June 2012
they wanted the hot dog poo story in rebloggable...
thebeccabeast:
rambeltilx:
daedazer:
kjsaneinia:
imfourandwhatisthis:
motherfuckingfineasspussymobile:
EVERYONE MUST READ ALL OF THIS OUTLOUD.
I just did, and it was epic.
Emily and I decided that this is a story Hellevir tells around the campfire for norn adventures
dlafjsdkadjds
oh my god
I laughed
so hard.
I was trying to stifle laughter, and failed…...
Watching 'Thor' with my Dad, part 2
Dad: Hey, do you feel like some GoLean Crunch?
Later
Dad: Poor Thor, having problems with his hammer. I've been there, buddy.
Me: DAD NO DON'T SAY THINGS LIKE THIS.
Dad: DOES IT FREAK YOU OUT?
Me: YES.
Dad: NOW YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL WHEN YOU AND YOUR MOTHER MAKE JOKES ABOUT PERIODS AND STUFF.
Me: PERIODS ARE HILARIOUS.
Dad: SO ARE PENISES.
Me: NOT WHEN THEY'RE ATTACHED TO FAMILY MEMBERS.
Dad: PERIODS AREN'T FUNNY WHEN THEY'RE HAPPENING TO FAMILY MEMBERS.
Me: THEY ARE STILL FUNNY EVEN THEN. MAYBE FUNNIER.
Dad: Shh, Loki's talking!
Me: ...
Dad: ...Odin didn't die. Why did Loki say Odin died?
Me: He was lying.
Dad: Why did he lie?
Me: Because he does things like that.
Dad: Well, that's not very nice.
Later
Dad: Why are Thor's asshole friends going to go get Thor even after Loki told them no? He's the king!
Me: They're defying him.
Dad: But he's the king!
Me: I guess they don't care.
Dad: Assholes.
Later
Dad: OH MY GOD ITS A TRANSFORMER. I DIDN'T KNOW TRANSFORMERS WERE IN THOR.
Me: They aren't, it's a Destroyer, not a-
Dad: TRANSFORMERS IS DOING A CROSSOVER WITH THOR I LOVE THIS MOVIE.
Later
Dad: If Loki was helping the frost giants, why did he kill them just now?
Me: He was tricking them.
Dad: So he used his catatonic father as bait?
Me: Yeah.
Dad: That seems irresponsible.
Watching 'Thor' with my Dad, part 3
Dad: Wait, Loki's destroying all the frost giants even though he is one?
Me: Yup.
Dad: Why?
Me: He's trying to prove to his father, and by extension all of Asgard, that he's really one of them and that he's worthy and mansome like Thor. Also, self-loathing.
Dad: If I were his dad, this wouldn't have happened.
Me: If you were Loki's dad, our children would be born without eyelids.
Later
Dad: OH NO
Me: Calm it down, dad.
Dad: HE'S CRYING AGAIN. I HATE IT WHEN HE CRIES. MAKE HIM STOP.
Me: *sigh* Oh, would that I could.
Dad: Do you think if I gave Odin a cow and some goats he would agree to have Loki marry you so you can make sure he never cries again?
Me: First of all, you live in the suburbs and have no livestock to speak of. Second, probably not, as I am a commoner and kind of gross-looking. Third, I strongly object to the prospect of being bartered.
Dad: You're right.
Me: Thank you.
Dad: I'd probably have to give him two cows.
Later
Dad: Loki just did a pole dance.
Me: *laugh*
Dad: He sits with his legs spread like a cheap strumpet and he twirls on a pole.
Me: *laugh*
Dad: Loki's a slut.
Later
Thor: *pins Loki down with Mjolnir*
Dad: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Loki: *yell* *squirm* *grunt*
Dad: HAHAHAHAHAHA OH MY GOD HAHAHAHAHA!
Later
Loki: I could have done it, father!
Dad: Oh my god.
Odin: No, Loki.
Dad: SHUT UP ANTHONY HOPKINS YOU NEGLECTFUL ASSHOLE. IF LOKI WERE MY SON I WOULD BE NICE TO HIM.
Me: *ruptures internal organs trying not to laugh*
Loki: ...
Dad: OH NO OH NO OH NO
Loki: *lets go of the spear*
Dad: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Thor: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Odin: No.
Dad: DAMNIT ODIN YOU AREN'T UPSET ENOUGH
Me: Dad, don't give yourself a palpitation.
Later
Dad: WTF Loki just comitted suicide and these assholes are throwing a feast and partying.
Me: ...
Dad: Assholegard!!!!
THE END
age 9: worry about internet people finding me in real life
now: worry about people in real life finding me on the internet
The various viewing positions of Prometheus
gingerhaze:
The second one is you, Cursive.
“When you’re feeling down, it’s so tempting to focus on your sadness: you wonder...”
– (via humansofnewyork)
“When you’re feeling down, it’s so tempting to focus on your sadness: you wonder...”
– (via humansofnewyork)
WatchWhoa! This kickstarter is looking super sweet! And it’s already way funded, so it’s not like you’ll worry that it won’t come out! Check this out, if you’re a fan of surreal looking horror stuff!
http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/madgod/phil-tippetts-mad-god?ref=live
marthfador:
The Nine Circles of Hell, as depicted by Lego
Limbo
Lust
Gluttony
Greed
Anger
Heresy
Violence
Fraud
Treachery
Someone calculated the points of every Whose Line...
icantfeelmyarms:
edfreemaybe:
Wayne Brady: 50,072,587,425 Ryan Stiles: 11,113,372,791.5 Colin Mochrie: 3,012,399,040.5 Chip Esten: 2,004,047,000 Greg Proops: 1,001,122,117 Brad Sherwood: 1,071,980.5 Denny Segal: 1,059,560 Karen Maruyama: 1,004,450 Kathy Greenwood: 59,810 Stephen Colbert: 12,000 Kathy Griffin: 5,000 Ian Gomez: 4,000 Jeff Davis: 3,300 Josie Lawrence: 3000 Whoopi Goldberg: 2,500...
